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Factors that Led to The Holocaust Essay

Factors that Led to The Holocaust Essay

Question Description

I’m working on a writing project and need support to help me study.

I’m working on a writing project and need support to help me learn.

find the essay in the attachment

all the comments I get, please fix that

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1: I particularly appreciated the inclusion of global events before and during the holocaust, as the Second World War and the Holocaust had major affects on each other during the time of the Third Reich. A major problem is the lack of strong topic sentences and research evidence to back them up.

2: Correct margins. Correct top-right corner information. Block of 4 is missing class name, also use Prof. Kohl instead of full name. Good title. Paragraphs have extra spaces inbetween them, while body paragraph 5 is missing an indentation. Paragraphs are all under 1 page, however many of them are very short and do not have the content to introduce and develop an idea, and should be combined with other paragraphs. There are no direct quotes. The paper comes up just short of the full 6 page requirement. Arad, Mendes-Flohr, and Shandler are never cited in-text.

3: 1. Hook type: The hook used is a definition, not a story/stat/quote. 2. Inspiration connects the hook to the topic. 3. There is no why question used. 4. There’s no philosophical thesis statement and if the last sentence were a thesis, it would introduce an encylopedia article because it makes no claim about the holocaust.

4: Body paragraph 1 goes all over the place, talking about Nazi’s rise to power, Nazi values, and specific policies that were enacted. Body paragraph 2: 2nd and 3rd sentences have nothing to do with the topic of the paragraph. Body paragraph 8’s topic sentence suggests the paragraph will cover the justifications given by Nazis for the holocaust, but instead discusses what the “final solution” was and also the expansion of Nazi Germany into Poland and Eastern Europe. Body paragraph 10 starts by stating Nazi germany’s position in the war during 1941, but then discusses post war actions by the Allies in 1945. There are no citations/cited evidence in body paragraphs 1,2,6,7,9,10,11. The citations that are present are formatted correctly, except for Ma?czy?ski, which is cited in-text as (Ma?czy?ski 190), rather than the correct form, (Ma?czy?ski et al 190). There are no direct quotes to evaluate.

5: Conclusion does not pose a question or relate back to the hook. It also does not mention the Pyramid of Hate by name, only by the levels.

6: Passive verbs are present all throughout the paper, with particularly heavy use of “was” and “were”. “you” and similar pronouns are not used. “it” is used only twice, once on page 1 and once on page 4. “thing” is never used. The dozen bad egg words are not used in the paper. Many paragraphs have weak or unrelated topic sentences. In body paragraph 3, for example, it states that the Nazis supported the holocaust, rather than stating that the Nazis created the holocaust. 7 paragraphs are missing research evidence, and all are in the form of paraphrasing. Consider adding a few direct quotes to strengthen your arguments.

7: The graphic is relevant to genocide and also addresses the Holocaust specifically. Good stuff.

8: Arad, Longerich, Mendes-Flohr, Shandler, and Traverso all missing pieces from their citations.

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There are a few instances of either typos or factual innaccuracies, such as: “In the first days of Adolf Hitler’s rule in 1993, he realized that he was awaiting failure unless he restored German pride after the Versailles treaty.”
A few sentences have structures that I suspect switched during writing, for example: “The Nazis rapidly strengthened their power through the use of the February 1933 Reichstag Fire to begin their reign of terror.”
There are a few sentences that need to be revised for clarity, such as: “The Nazis rapidly grew more, securing their power, and the Nuremberg laws of 1935 removed from the Jewish citizenship of 1938 became even more direct.”

My favorite about your paper is the information you have provided as well as the visual graphic. I can tell that you did very extensive research and you found a lot of rich information! As for the visual graphic I think it is very organized and fits with your information perfectly, great job!

You did a great job in terms of MLA formatting. The formatting of you paper was extremely neat and organized! My only suggestions regard the block of four and the title. For the block of four I would be to add the course name above the date. As for the title I think you have a really good foundation, however, it is a bit general, it might be effective to spice it up a bit, other than that everything looks good!

You have a really good informative introduction, however, I felt that the hook didn’t necessarily stand as a quote, statistic, or a question. Your opening sentence gave a great summary of what would be discussed but it might be effective to add a sentence before that to kind of lead into the informative aspect. Another suggestion I have involves the philosophical thesis, you mention you would be discussing the aspects of the holocaust in regard to the pyramid of hate, but it might help to expand on that more.

As mentioned previously, your body paragraphs have a tremendous amount of really rich information which is great, however, many of them are missing the in-text citations and I believe they are required for body paragraphs. My one suggestion would be just adding those citations, and everything should look great!

You have a really great conclusion, and it offers a great perspective, however, I felt it didn’t necessarily fit the hook. I do feel this might stem from the type of hook, but I think that by reworking these two aspects a bit they should fit beautifully together! I also would suggest adding more insight, I think you have a really interesting perspective, and it might be effective to discuss it a little more.

You do a fantastic job at keeping the passive verbs and banned words to a minimal which really elevated your discussion! The only suggestion I would make involves the flow of the sentences, some sentences, particularly the opening sentences flow difficulty but I think if you rework some of these sentences your paper should flow very nicely.

I think you did an amazing job on the visual graphic! It is very visually appealing, and it ties up the information in your paper perfectly. One suggestion I could make would probably be adding aspects of the pyramid of hate, I think that it would help to effectively elevate the information you provided.

Your works cited page looks great, everything is very neat and nicely organized! The one suggestion I have is to maybe add the permalinks on the sources that didn’t provide a doi. It might make it easier to trace the source of the citation, other than that, amazing job!


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